I think the last post was in 2019 when I shared the old Gammill machine with Kasandra Miller. She's in Heaven now and lots of other things have changed since then as well.
This is nearly 4 yrs later. I lost my beloved husband to AML (leukemia) on March 4, 2022. Talk about a life-changing event! For 52 yrs I was half of "Stan-and-Alicia". Now who am I? I still don't know and we're almost 6 mo's out. Will I ever be "me"? Who is ME? I don't know because since I was 15, I've been 1/2 of that couple! I'm still learning to survive without Stan. I don't like it one little bit--but there's no choice. Stan graduated to Heaven and I got left here alone. Friends have been wonderful but it's not like my life-companion is sitting over there in his chair...There's no one to whom I can tell *anything and everything*. There's no one with whom to argue---if you *knew* us, you know about that arguing. It was all in jest--and done with so much love. That unused love runs out my eyes in tears now.
Absolutley NOTHING is the same. The "shop" was Stan's, previously his parents', and previous to that it was his Grandad Gable's...since 1943! Likely the oldest family-owned business in Ardmore. Who cares? History = the past. Nobody cares about the past anymore. It's said that if you don't have of picture of, it didn't even happen! I DO have pictures, and memories, and much left-over love.
For the last year or more, Stan had been saying "it's time for us to "slow down", not do even more!" But there's so much more "out there" to BE done! So many things....but Stan wanted to slow down. For the last months, I have slowed down because "grief brain" doesn't allow for full thinking ability. I'm still fighting the inability to make decisions, to keep things clear in my head, to WANT to do things. My sewing mojo is gone. I don't know that it will ever come back. I've only sewn a couple of times. The desire just isn't there. If i can sew for a couple hours, I'm done for a week or more. I've found more peace outside with my hands in the dirt, and petting the dogs. If not for the dogs, I couldn't have survived.
I've promised son Casey that I'd hold off until at least 6months later to make "decisions". That 6 month mark is Sept.4. I'm looking forward to retiring a 2nd time. First retirement--Stan said--was a fluke but this time it'll be for real. I'll still quilt at home, customer quilts as well as my own. The Lord knows how many UFO's there are in the closets....but I can't commit to running a business as it should be run. I'm SEW THANKFUL to the ladies who kept the shop open during Stan's illness. I'll be forever grateful. Y'all made that shop look better than I ever could have! I just can't keep it up. The "want-to" is just not there.
My 2nd knee will be replaced on Sept 7. In celebration: Starting NOW, all fabric marked over $6.99 will be 2 yds for $15 minimum 2 yard continuous cut, then 6.99 yd on same fabric . This is a PRIME TIME to buy yardage for backs and backgrounds, find your favorite patterns -- buy enough fabric to make it and set it up as your own KIT! Backings-108" wide normally $16.95 and up are $15 yard or a 3 yd cut for $36. Do the math- that's $12 yd! Don't delay making your choices because prices will not go down from here. These prices barely cover my cost, and I'll bring it home rather than give it away. Meantime, I'll keep praying for my sewing mojo to show up again.
I always prayed for the Lord to take me home first, to not leave me here without Stan. If you have a similar prayer, I pray the Lord answers your prayers the way you want. In our case, Stan's prayer not to be a burden was more important to the Lord than mine not to be here alone. Right now, the store is a burden so come take if off my hands! I love you all!
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